Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
