i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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