Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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