Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
