new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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