I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
