He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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