we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
