i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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