you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
