Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
