What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
