glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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