My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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