i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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