Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
