You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
