If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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