just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
