I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
