Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
