Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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