What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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