you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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