Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk is a universal language darling
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