I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
