If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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