Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
