The maid of honor just puked.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
