yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was confusing and full of hummus
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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