I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we're making bets on your personal life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
