okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
