I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
