guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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