He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
