So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
