So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
