I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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