I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
