This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
