i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
