Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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