The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
