As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
