I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
