My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to calm my uterus...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
