I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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