I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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