also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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