i just had sex bonerless
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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