so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
