I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
