I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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